Sunday, February 18, 2007

Op-Ed: East Activism in 7 Steps

By Kevin Dugan & photo by Sam Lewis

Some people at Lang use words like props. Like a bad Whose Line Is It Anyway? skit, they'll throw them around in all sorts of silly ways. "Activist" is one of those words. So, for the uninitiated, here's a step-by-step guide to understanding the mind of the Lang activist.

1. Symbolism is Hot: Forget useful protests: symbolic ones are totally in. Banner drops and handing out flyers are the m.o. du jour. If people don't agree with your catchy slogans, just proselytize them until they see the light.

2. Facts are like eyeliner. Less is more: "New School paid Newt Gingrich $50,000"? That was a great one, guys! You really had me going for a second! Hire a fact checker.

3. Fake it 'Til You Make It: Ain't no shame in it, we all know that not everyone can be Che. Join a group and before you know it, you'll go right along with the Groupthink.

4. No Need to Sweat It: Working for change is *so* 1919, and that was like 100 years ago! Talking works, especially with the friends you agree with. Some people call it masturbation, but hey, self-love ain't so bad when you're always oppressed!

5. Black is the New Black: Don't worry that all your clothes come from Burma, it's important to raise the flag and gather the troops! If you hang around enough protests, you may even get onto, and that means you're a real revolutionary.

6. Keep It Simple, Stupid: Just like your wardrobe, make sure your outlook is black-and-white. Everyone less liberal than thou is a fascist, so look out. They can be hiding everywhere--especially in your shower!

7. The World is Your Catwalk: It's a cruel world out there, and you have to show everyone that you're not afraid to look good. Wherever you are--Union Square, Bluestockings Books, your Latin American Studies class--dress to kill with an attitude to match.

Naturally, there are people who don't follow this criteria. They're just freaks, so stay away from them. Remember to keep the struggle alive. I mean, what else is there to do?

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