Thursday, December 28, 2006

Fake News: Oscars Potential

By Kurd McGraw

By the time we get back from winter break, something very exciting will be right around the corner: Oscar nominations! Yes, we all love a little sucking up to our favorite actors, actresses, directors, and sound mixers. Still, there are bound to be some people who don’t get their proper due.

First, there's the song that should be nominated for Best Original Song: "O Kazakhstan," from Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Sung by Mr. Sacha Baron Cohen, this ode to Borat's home country brags about what makes it so special. It turns out that it’s the “number one exporter of potassium.” Any song that gives us this kind of detail is worthy of an Oscar.

Speaking of Borat, can we make like MTV and award an Oscar for Best Fight? What I’d give to see Borat and his manager, Azamat, rumble in the nude just one more time...

Another category that the Oscars should add is Worst Movie Title. To help them along, here are my nominations: Buddha Wild: Monk in a Hut, Cave of the Yellow Dog, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. So, basically, any movie that mentions an animal, has a colon in the title, and/or contains a bad pun.

If you’re a faithful reader of Inprint, you know how I feel about Avril Lavigne. But I feel bad about my comments. To make nice, I think she should get a Best Supporting Actress nomination for her role in Fast Food Nation. As an activist named Alice with a heart of gold, you can't help but be overwhelmed by her whining and her performance's stunning resemblance to—and this is quite an honor—Sofia Coppola in The Godfather: Part III.

Quickly, Best Supporting Actor should go to Terry Bradshaw in Failure to Launch (let’s see you kiss Kathy Bates!), while Best Actor and Actress should be awarded to Samuel L. Jackson for Snakes on a Plane (you just knew that I was going to get in a reference to that movie somewhere!) and Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette, respectively. Why Dunst? Well, because I would just find it too perfectly ironic if "Marie Antoinette" were to win a little gold man.

Now to the award we've all been waiting for: Best Picture. It’s sad that in a year of great (American Dreamz), amazing (The Fast and Furious 3: Tokyo Drift) and stunning (Hoot) movies, only one can win. But my choice for the Oscar is... For Your Consideration. It’s not that the movie was particularly good (although any scene with Fred Willard in it is automatically funny), but what I’d give to see the Oscars have a Springsteen-Reagan-“Born in the USA” moment!

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