Thursday, December 28, 2006

Arts: Best Five: Holiday Edition

By Josh Kurp

Best Five Songs:
5. “New York, New York”
Ryan Adams
“I remember Christmas in the blistering cold / In a church on the Upper West Side / Babe, I stood there singing / I was holding your arm / You were holding my trust like a child.” Sometimes it’s best to let the lyrics do the clever comment for you.

4. “An Old Fashioned Christmas”
Frank Sinatra
Frank Sinatra Christmas Collection
Ol’ Blue Eyes would “trade that whole Manhattan skyline” just to have an “old fashioned Christmas back home.” I guess he’s never spoken to the Canadian guys selling Christmas trees outside my dorm.

3. “Chicago Seemed Tired Last Night”
Hold Steady
Separation Sunday
Alluding to the #1 song of this list, lead vocalist Craig Finn sings, “They faked their way through “Fairytale of New York” / When the band stopped playing, we howled out for more.”

2. “Dominick, the Italian Christmas Donkey”
Lou Monte
The Very Best of Lou Monte
A song about everyone’s favorite animal (the donkey) mentioning everyone’s favorite borough (Brooklyn). But did you know that this song had a sequel called “Pasquale, the Italian Pussycat?” I wonder why it never became popular.

1. “Fairytale of New York”
If I Should Fall from the Grace of God
Move over, Bing Crosby. Outta the way, Rudolph. Fuck off, The Muppet Christmas Carol. This is a great Christmas song (even if its protagonist is spending Christmas “in a drunk tank”).

Best Five Movies:
5. Santa Clause Versus the Christmas Vixens
I wonder who wins.

4. Black Christmas
The most shocking thing about this movie is that it’s not blaxploitation!

3. A Little Christmas Tail
Starring Buck Adams (of such films as One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Breast, Intercourse with the Vampire, and Great Balls on Fire), this Christmas classic is sure to bring out the freak in everyone.

2. Ernest Saves Christmas
As if going to camp, going to jail, getting scared stupid, going to school, going Africa and jail wasn’t enough!

1. Santa Clause Conquers the Martians
It’s never good when the title gives away the ending of a movie.

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